special prayer

was asked during morning prayers today whether anyone received special prayers during the Father's blessing (at dinner last friday), i almost blurted out that i did (receive a prayer that was really special).. i've never received such a prayer before.. pastor asked me if i was single or had a family, and i knew he was referring to whether i was married / had children etc, i shook my head and told him that i was actually divorced.. must have sounded guilty saying that, it's not been easy dealing with it especially when God explicitly says that He hates divorce.. even though God had reassured me again and again that He loves me and knows my struggles, and answers my unspoken thoughts

the responses i got for my hesitant reply were really encouraging.. pastor's wife said that i should find another (she also prayed for me to be a mother) and pastor said he wanted to pray against feelings of rejection and for a husband for me! a godly man who loves me and would take care of me..

been telling God lately that i want to love only Him, and i do not want anyone or anything to distract me from Him, and been resisting relationships for a long time, now i just wanna do whatever that pleases God, and will be open if God tells me that is ok, that it is what He wants me to do. i know God loves little children, and i do want to raise up children who will love Him and serve Him and follow Him. i do want to be obedient and do anything that God wants me to.. i really do want to be free from the past and to hold God's hand and go wherever He leads, and not fear the unknown

God reminded me during today's service that He is always with me, that i won't ever be alone, no matter what happens, and that i can always run to Him, and He'll be there for me, i was weeping so hard i couldn't even sing, i could only worship with my tears and silent cries from my heart. thank you Lord for sitting me beside this kind lady who gave me tissue. i love you God